Dear email spammers everywhere. For future reference:
- I already have all the medications I need, and I sure as hell wouldn’t get them from Canada!?
- I have already had all the news from CNN that I can stand.
- I don’t have any need to make it “good,” because you can’t improve on perfection.
- How do you know that an extra 5 inches would even fit in my pants?
- And if you really want me to be able to have sex 10 times a day, please find me a babysitter.
- I have not been selling stuff on eBay, nor buying it, nor do I have a Google AdWords account. (Okay. Not completely true, but I am smart enough to know whether an email is really coming from eBay or Google or not.)
- I do not have an account with Wells Fargo.
- For future reference, UPS tracking numbers do not begin with the letter N.
- I have no friends; therefore, they do not send me Hallmark e-Cards.
- I neither need nor care for a Rolex. And if I did, I wouldn’t want a cheap knock off.
- And I do not need a website design service.
- I do not speak Russian or Chinese.
- I do not gamble or run a gambling site.
- I do not need a job that pays “1000$,” nor one that pays $125,000.
- Think about it: If I really wanted to see Angelina Jolie naked, I probably already have.
- I do not care to hear from Jeff Dominguez, Geraldo Krueger, Scotty Kaplan, Blaine Hinkle, or anyone else whose name you made up.
If you could integrate these facts into your future marketing efforts, you would dramatically increase your response rate. At the same time, you would be improving life for all online marketers, especially those of us who actually know what we’re doing.
-TimK